how did you celebrate?

It’s a question I like to ask my clients but they often look a bit surprised. Most of their answers are some version of “I didn’t”.

Then some say – “But I will!”

We all do it. We get lost in work or life and by the time we’ve achieved a goal - we’re already onto the next thing.

Clients may start a session with me by saying their week was a disaster and they feel like a failure. Then as they tell me more, and I reflect back what I’ve heard, they realise that embedded in the challenges and difficulties were wins, successes and praise. They hadn’t seen them or heard them, hadn’t acknowledged them, and they certainly hadn’t celebrated them.

So why do we often remember the bad rather than the good?

According to psychologist Rick Hanson, “Our brains are wired to scout for the bad stuff.” 

This probably goes back a long way. “Many psychologists think that this has evolutionary roots; that is: it’s more important for people, for survival, to notice the lion in the brush than it is to notice the beautiful flower that’s growing on the other side of the way,” (Laura Carstensen, a psychology professor at Stanford University.)

Putting the positives back changes the story. Still a difficult week, but not all bad. Something to work on - but also something to be proud of. It can be game-changing.

In our sessions, I encourage my clients to notice and reframe. Many go on to keep a notebook or journal so they can keep a record. Looking back, they begin to see patterns and identify strengths and skills they didn’t even know they had.

Celebrating is actually really important.

So, in the spirit of celebration, here is my after picture, now all the building work and redecorating are finished.